


Operation Annoy Prongs

by the_laibararian



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Contest Entry, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), One Shot, Pranks, Romance, Short, Short One Shot, Trip Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 11:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21319636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_laibararian/pseuds/the_laibararian
Summary: It's the middle of summer and James isn't much of a trouble-maker with his parents around, to Sirius's annoyance.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Kudos: 42
Collections: Fall 2019





	Operation Annoy Prongs

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT:  
Primary Character: Sirius Black  
Secondary Character: Molly Weasley  
Item: A Piece of Parchment  
Predicament: Classic Trip-Kiss  
Word Count: 1500-6000

Sirius Black was never one to complain, at least not when Mr. and Mrs. Potter were involved. James Potter, despite sharing their name, their looks, their house, and practically everything else as well, was not included in this exception.

“Merlin’s beard James! I swear you take longer to try on new clothes than half the girls at Hogwarts.”

“Oh please! As if you don’t spend more time looking at yourself in the mirror than actually looking at the girls you’re trying so hard to impress.”

As James turned back to pick out new clothes from a rack, Sirius sighed, eyeing James. It’d been a long summer, and with it almost halfway over, he was antsy to get back into the mischievous mood that seemed to snuff itself out as soon as James was with his parents again. Leave it to good old Prongs to actually want to impress his family. Sighing again, Sirius draped himself dramatically across the singular chair in the tiny store.

“If you really want to get out of here faster, shut up and help me look. It _ is _ your fault that I need a new wardrobe, and Mum and Dad won’t be done for another hour anyways.”

“It’s not my fault you forgot to make your clothes fire-resistant. Rookie mistake Prongs. So if you don’t mind hurrying up, I actually want to go to other stores that consist of more than just 30 versions of the exact same clothes with slight variations.”

“Bugger off.”

“Gladly.”

Grabbing his wand and his money, Sirius exited the store, leaving behind one very confused and slightly hurt Potter.  
  


~ ~ ~

Walking down the street, Sirius began to feel his annoyance dissipate and guilt over ditching James take its place. It didn’t last long, though, excitement winning the competition of emotions in his brain. His parents were never ones to approve of Sirius shopping on his own, and with the way his features turned to both child-like exhilaration and an all too teenage smugness, some would agree with them. Sirius Black did not like being bored, and he 100% did not like that James was the cause of it.

Following the light crowd, Sirius walked slowly down the pathways of the magical street, eyeing each store for its troublemaking potential. Finally he stopped in front of an old store called “The Wand-Me-Downs: A Second Hand Store You Can Trust!” The store was older than his first glance had told him, with some of the words fading and paint peeling.

_“Odd,” _ he thought. _ “You’d think they could magic this to look better.”_

With a shrug, Sirius entered the store anyways. He had often found some of his best pranks in odds and ends stores like these. He’d also found many cursed and dark objects, to be fair, but his upbringing ensured he was prepared for those as well. The instant Sirius entered the store, he was affronted with thick air and a none too pleasant smell. He was also affronted by the sight of flaming bright red hair.

“Gideon?” Sirius asked, wiping his eyes which had began tearing from the heavy amount of dust in the air.

“No, not Gideon, though I am related to him. I’m guessing you go to Hogwarts then?”

Sirius blushed as he heard the high-pitched voice and noticed that the person he’d mistaken for his classmate was, in fact, not even a boy.

“Er, yeah. 5th year. Gideon’s in my house.”

“I was a Gryffindor, too, ya know. My name’s Molly. How can I help you?”

“Do you have any joke stuff? My friend lit my clothes on fire and I want to get back at him.”

Molly snickered a little, subtly covering up with a cough (though not subtly enough, Sirius noted), and led the way to a crowded table beside a bookshelf. Most of the objects looked dingy and broken, but a couple looked to be in good shape.

“These are all our joke stuff. Or at least the stuff we think is joke stuff. A couple of them might just be old muggle things. If you find anything that fits that description, let me know. My husband loves muggle things, though I’ll never understand why by the looks of the state of these ones.”

Sirius nodded, afraid that if he took in another breath of the store air, he would trigger an unknown asthma condition that simply required the dustiest of airs to flare up. “Thank you,” he said anyways, cursing his parents (his biological ones as well as his real ones) for teaching him manners.

“Anytime! Call me over if you need any more help. I’ll just be at the front.”

As Molly walked away, Sirius began to shift through the stuff on the table. Molly was right. It was hard to tell what was actually a magical object disguised as an ordinary object between what was simply an ordinary object. A couple did let out some sparks when Sirius prodded at them, indicating they were magic, though he doubted they were supposed to do that. Sirius sighed again. He was prone to doing it lately. Mrs. Potter called it teenage hormones. James had called it Sirius’s dramatic way of being a whiny bitc—

A large crashing sound knocked Sirius out of his thoughts, and he rushed towards the front of the store. Another red haired person (who was also not Gideon) had entered and knocked over a shelf. Brushing himself off, the man fixed up his mess with his wand and moved over to talk to Molly.

“That must be Molly’s husband,” Sirius thought, as the man and Molly kissed. “Unless Molly’s got a weirdass relationship with her family. Hmm, maybe he’s both.”

Suppressing a shiver, Sirius began walking out the door, his mission a failure. Before he could walk more than a few steps, he noticed something lying on the ground in front of the shelf that Molly’s husband and/or family member knocked over. Curious, he picked it up and then smirked. _ “This will be good”_

~ ~ ~

The week after their shopping trip went by slowly for Sirius. He still wasn’t ready to fully implement his prank (he was only on the planning phase of Operation Annoy Prongs) and it was too early in August to talk about Hogwarts in James’s mind. They spent their days playing quidditch, visiting the muggle areas nearby, and just generally lazing about.

“As teenagers should,” James had said, commenting on the last part when his dad brought it up.

Sirius was in the library looking up information about Operation Annoy Prongs, when Prongs decided to annoy him in return. The irony was not lost on Sirius, though James remained blissfully unaware.

“Oi, git! What are you doing hovering around in the library? You know Remus’ll make us do that often enough during school?”

“Yeah. I figured I’d get a head start. Exceed Remus’s expectations for once, and not just the teachers.” He smirked over at James, who looked stumped at the suddenly not-rebellious or punk Sirius.

“What’s gotten into you, mate? Everything alright at home?” James looked genuinely worried about Sirius, sending a pang of guilt (and something else) through his heart. It was quickly replaced, however, with smugness at the thought that James didn’t suspect the thing.

“It’s all good at home. Or as good as it can be.”

“Are you sick then? Mum knows some good spells for fevers and stuff.”

James moved closer, attempting to feel Sirius’s forehead with the back of his hand. Sirius, however, was not particularly in the mood to be doted on by either James or Mrs. Potter. He quickly moved back, shutting his book and dropping it in the process.

“Come on, mate. Let me feel your head.”

“Sod off!”

As James moved closer and Sirius ran out of space to move away, he panicked and grabbed James’s wrist on his outstretched arm. Unfortunately (or perhaps the opposite), James chose that moment to trip over the book Sirius dropped (that git) and was yanked into Sirius’s body by his arm.

They kissed.

It was a shocker of a kiss, neither of them having expected or particularly wanted it, but it was a kiss. And it was firewhisky combined with the feeling of flying stacked on top of getting away from a prank scotch-free.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like to Sirius. To him, it felt like the kiss had lasted hours, and at the same time, not clearly long enough. In reality, the kiss had lasted a total of 30 shocked seconds where neither James or Sirius moved to either pull away from the kiss, or to deepen it. James pulled away first, Sirius not really having any room to pull away in the first place. He slowly looked at Sirius, and without a word, left the library.

_“Damn, James’s ass is hotter than I thought.”_

~ ~ ~

Sitting in his room that the Potters had given him in his second year, Sirius sighed and contemplated.

_“That kiss was really good. Like _ ** _really_ ** _ good. Should I actually deny myself the chance of doing it again, if it’s possible that I can??”_

_“But it’s Prongs though! Did you see the way he looked at you after it was over? I’m sure he was mortified. Poor bloke couldn’t even say anything.”_

_“Maybe he was just petrified with love! And passion! I don’t know. He didn’t look like he hated absolutely every second of it, and he didn’t even pull away for a solid bit.”_

_“He was shocked, you tosser! Of course he didn’t pull away. And just because he didn’t hate it doesn’t mean he _ ** _liked_ ** _ it.”_

_“But it’d be me and Prongs! We’d make a hot couple. We already act like the biggest power couple in Hogwarts.”_

_“Yeah, but that’s an _ ** _ACT_ ** _ . He probably wouldn’t be comfortable being an actual couple. Do you really want to jeopardize your friendship with him? Besides, he’s got a crush on Lily. He’s obviously not into blokes, and if he was, he would’ve told you by now.”_

_“Okay, what the hell am I doing arguing with you. You’re me. The rational part of me, to be fair, but you’re me, and I say get the hell out of my head right now.”_

_*poof*_

_“A gay joke? Really???”_

Sirius sighed and laid on his bed. His thoughts continuously rung throughout his head, pulling him this way and that. His doubts coursed over his body, but so did the thought of James. The thought of James’s hands running over his arms and legs, his mouth running over his face, his body, and his eyes undressing him.

With a shudder, Sirius got up. He crossed the room towards the desk near the corner. The piece of parchment from the second-hand store still sat there, the recipe for the banshee bomb face-up, but he tossed it aside. He looked at his Operation Annoy Prongs page, still empty besides the title, and amended it.

OPERATION <strike> ANNOY </strike> PRONGS

WOO

“Perfect,” he murmured quietly to himself, smiling softly.

Actually planning could wait for later, however. Sirius needed a shower.

A long, cold shower.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for a writing competition for a podcast I listen to.  
Listen to Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them if you love Harry Potter and you love fan fiction! Each episode is a new "bad" or "weird" fanfic being read aloud, plus a bunch of smaller segments as well, like predictions and quick fics. They also recommend a fanfic every episode too!  
Join their Patreon if you want to participate in the writing competitions (plus be a part of our awesome discord server and book club).


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